At the end of 2018, I was just like anyone else: Going to my 9 to 5 as a software developer, studying for certs, searching for cool service opportunities on the side, and going out to the bars on the weekend and getting fucked up ’til Kingdom come.
It was great for a time. I was blissful. I focused most of my energy on feelings. Feelings of fleeting happiness, or fears of trauma I hadn’t yet dug up.
If I were to describe it with one word, it’d be “reactive”.
I wasn’t very self aware , which resulted in short-lived…
A couple of months ago, I was coming out of my first iteration of The Abundance Circle, my paid group coaching program.
I was in this weird purgatory where I wasn’t exactly sure what I was working on next. Feeling anxious, and coming off the back of learning about recovery and burnout along with my clients, I was eager to learn how to do recovery “the right way”.
I attended one of Charlie Gilkey’s Momentum Calls, author of the book Start Finishing, and as I asked him what I should do in between projects, he had a knowing smile on…
This past week, I was catching up with a friend who just quit his 9 to 5. Me being the Abundance Coach and all his sudden leap was fascinating to me.
Well, it was “sudden” for me, but it was something he had thought about for a long time. And by a long time, I mean about five years.
When I asked him what made him finally make the jump, he just looked at me and said he woke up one day and realized how fast time had passed him by. …
In middle school, you would find me sitting in my room, diligently studying.
You would walk in and think I was studying, but I was “Alt + Tab” ing so quick you couldn’t see I’d been watching one of my guilty pleasures…
Yep, before K-pop was a huge thing, I sat in my room binge-watching hours and hours of dramatic, romantic scenes.
It was more exciting to get lost in the story than face my actual life, where the sole goal of my existence was to get straight A’s.
The point being, I know what it…
“When we’re looking for compassion, we need someone who is deeply rooted, is able to bend and, most of all, embraces us for our strengths and struggles.”
— Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
When we’re attempting something difficult, we’re usually wondering, “When is this going to be over?”
For example, when we’re in the middle of an intense workout and can’t go another second.
Or when we’re taking a hard test that seems to last forever.
Or when we’re out at a party, but we’re desperate to go home and curl up with a good book.
It’s easy to…
I didn’t use to think I was an angry person.
I rarely raised my voice and often avoided conflict.
Yet, there was another side of me when I was with my family. I would often get triggered, emotions exploding inside of me, leading me to verbally lash out in annoyance and frustration.
I started realizing that I didn’t do this with people outside the family because I wanted them to see the “real” me. The real me wasn’t angry. Or so I thought.
I started getting mini reality checks every time my anger would begin to leak out at the…
If you’re feeling lonely, you need to stop trying to distract yourself.
It won’t last.
If you’re getting your nails done or seeing a concert, that’s great. But you still have to go home. If you’re feeling lonely on this particular day, there’s a reason. Your loneliness is an emotional flare that signals you to dig in.
Feeling lonely can be difficult, but when I did a quick search on Google to see how people describe the word “lonely”, one word caught my eye:
A big part of loneliness is having the sense that you don’t have an emotional…
Last year, I quit dating.
I stopped having sex.
I deleted all my apps.
Now, a year later, I can hardly put to words the ways my life has been transformed.
But alas, I’ll try.
Let’s start with a story.
One night at an upscale food court in Dallas, I got together with a friend for dinner and drinks.
At the bar, my friend saw a couple of guys she knew, so we joined them and started chatting.
One of the guys was fun to get to know. …
You may have heard of Jordan Peterson.
He’s a clinical psychologist and Canadian professor, infamously known for his refusal to call transgender students by their chosen pronouns in protest of Bill C-16 (now a law). He rose quickly into the limelight and became the role model for young men attracted to alt-right ideologies.
He also wrote a book called 12 Rules of Life, a book I’ve quoted in many of my posts.
Despite the controversy surrounding his public figure, reading his book fundamentally changed my life for the better. (To be clear, I’m a young, queer, Asian female.)
Growing up as a pastor’s kid was not easy.
My dad’s a pastor and my mom is a choral conductor. A match made in heaven, right? No pun intended.
One of the negative impacts of growing up as a PK (Pastor’s Kid) in a Chinese church is how much you’re encouraged to pretend.
I had to be the good kid, the one that the other kids looked up to. The one that was used as a scapegoat when the kids got in trouble.
It didn’t stop me from leading a bunch of girls in frilly dresses into the forest behind…